How do parents tell their child that a beloved brother or sister is dying? Most parents never have to face such a tragedy, but sadly some do. It’s never easy and it’s often complicated.

The whole family is in turmoil when a child has died or will be dying soon. Telling the surviving child some of the truth in an age appropriate way may be the hardest conversation parents will ever have with their child. It must be done with the utmost tenderness, the utmost respect. Be prepared for questions as time goes by. Here are a few of the questions a sibling may express.

Why did this happen? How come it didn’t happen to me?
I’ve always wrestled with my brother. Who can I do that with now?
Who will I play with? Who will I fight with?
Was this my fault?
Can you have another baby? I need another sister.

While discussing the loss of a child, it’s important to stress that the child who died will always be an important part of the family. There can’t be a replacement. You could say, You can always remember and love your brother/sister forever.

Surviving siblings have a tough road ahead. Children have to integrate the loss into their lives. It’s particularly difficult because moms, dads, grandparents and extended family are grieving too. There are grieving groups, weekend grief camps and professionals who can help the child and family deal with the loss.

There is another resource to help brave siblings deal with the loss of a brother or sister. The Build Up Your Resilience Tool Kit for Kids™ helps children and teens learn strategies to heal and get stronger, while they are walking through the grief process. Very often siblings have very intense feelings after a loss such as guilt, deep sadness, anger, fear and anxiety. The resilience tools help manage these feelings carefully. Siblings learn how to keep their self-esteem intact, deal with frightening dreams and images, develop a longer term perspective about their future and retain a sense of hopefulness. Kids can keep the Tool Kit right next to them in their bedroom and review the resilience tools whenever they need to feel better.

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Have you noticed the increased academic pressure on elementary school kids? Its not uncommon today for children as young as seven to verbalize a host of school concerns. Their issues are vaguely reminiscent of middle school youngsters who have academic anxieties that have been multiplying in recent years.

What do elementary school aged children from 5 to 11 think about? Here are just a few of their concerns:

I’m really bad at math.
Some kids get left back if they don’t do their work. I’m scared that could happen to me.I’m the only one in my class who can’t tell time.
I have too much homework.
I don’t want to go to school.

There are many excellent opportunities both in and outside of school to provide reinforcements for learning. Some kids get help with reading, decoding and writing. Others receive skill-building in math. Still others have organizational tutors. Some parents spend hours helping their children with homework. There may be nightly tantrums, arguments and punishments. Some kids are plain exhausted from all these interventions.

Children also need emotional strategies to manage the anxieties, worries and fears that consume their young brains. Now, kids can use effective tools to counter worried thoughts and build confidence. It won’t be another source of added stress because the tools take minutes a day to learn. Children will need a little bit of practice to make sure the anxiety-busting and confidence-boosting strategies become a natural part of their lives. That’s where you come in.

Kids can learn to block worried What If’s, replace anxious thoughts with competent and realistic thoughts, use their mind and body to stay calm, and prevent worries about situations that usually never occur. When children feel steadier and secure, they learn better. To read more about managing worries about school, check out these articles:
Afraid of Giving School Presentations
Going Back To School is an Important Transition for All Kids
Math Drives Me Crazy

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Symmetry means even. Youngsters with this OCD symptom try to make things even. It is one of the more hidden symptoms of OCD. Often, parents and other people close to the child or teen may not be aware of it. Symmetry can affect many aspects of a young person’s life. Here are a few examples of this symptom.

• Repetitive behaviors – Children may touch or tap an object with their right hand and then feel compelled to do the same with their left hand.

• Interaction with people – A child sitting next to both parents might first lean next to one, and then feel compelled to lean against the other in the same way. Or, a child may feel compelled to speak to one parent and then to another.

• Arrangement of their environment – A child may need to arrange their belongings so they are even. For example, three dolls on one side of the bed, three dolls on their other.

• Doing behaviors an even number of times – A child may insist on saying Goodnight an even vs. an odd number of times.

Although these behaviors might not seem important to an observer, children with this symptom experience great anxiety if they cannot make certain behaviors symmetrical. The compulsion, the actual behavior of making things even helps reduce that anxiety. Unfortunately, as with every compulsion, the relief that it brings is only temporary, and ultimately makes this OCD symptom even stronger.

OCD in children and teens CAN be helped. Children with this OCD symptom can be taught to resist the urge to perform the compulsion. Cognitive Behavior Therapy teaches children thinking and behavior skills designed to relieve the anxiety from the obsessive thoughts, and the heightened anxiety they feel when they say No to making things even,

If you would like to learn more about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder in Children, you may find the previous articles helpful:

OCD and Worry in Kids
Checking and OCD in Children and Teens
OCD and Kids – Compulsive Handwashing

To learn more about thinking and behavior skills to reduce worry and anxiety, check out the Outsmart Your Worry Tool Kit for Kids®

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